i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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