Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Randomize
