I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
