omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
