My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
