is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
