is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
tell me about the eggs
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
