smell my finger.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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