I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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