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I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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