i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
