He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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