One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
