Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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