; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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