I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Boobs are out for the taking
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
