Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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