I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
