The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
