Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
