How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
