i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
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She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
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My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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