Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
