did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
