something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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