Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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