aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
