I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
