i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
