It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
