Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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