i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
