It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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