he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
