Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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