if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
