So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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