Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
