found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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