they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
