I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
