He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
