i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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