porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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