I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
