me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
