did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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