i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
