every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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