please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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