Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
