im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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