My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
