please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
