Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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