I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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