We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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