Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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