She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
