So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
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