A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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