Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
