whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
