i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
