Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
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No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
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Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
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