I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
