she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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