So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
