sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Girls should come with a carfax report
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
