hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
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How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He did a backflip because drugs
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