I'm really into asian looking animals
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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