Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
