ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
