i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Randomize
