she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
