So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
