Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
