Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
